23 - Sirim- Shadows - Friday, 28 February 2003

No. 23 
Sirim- Shadows 
Friday, 28 February 2003 

Dear Amare-Amuri, 

1. “A man who uses force is afraid of the shadows." 

   - Explanation: This proverb implies that those who resort to violence or coercion often do so because they are insecure or fearful.  

Just because others resort to anger, frustration and violence does not mean you must do so. Respect yourself by treating yourself with care, tenderness and love. Insecurity comes from a place of doubt and uncertainty in yourself and with God. Remember that when you are doubtful or fearful it is because the adversary put those feelings inside of you to push you away from God and to make you feel as if you are a nobody or nothing of worth to those around you. Which may be true to those around you as they deal with you and your human limitations with fine gross motor skills and your learning disabilities. But with God you are Someone and Something and You Matter to Him. Always trust God to have your back and to have your best interests at heart and in mind. He did not put you in this word to make you insignificant or fearful. He put you in this world to be amazing, powerful, and great. So go do great things! And stop living as if doom is around the corner. Because that is what the devil wants. Favor. Majestic Blessings. Glory. Are all waiting for you if you will trust God and let God lead your life and purpose. And relying on Him, not the world, for comfort, support, and love. Because the world can’t love you and won’t love you. Dance. Sing. Praise God. And be at peace. With God. No matter what. Total trust. Total faith. Total commitment. To God.  

It highlights the idea that true strength comes from confidence and self-control, not from imposing power on others.  

True strength also comes from God and confidence and self-control in walking with God every day and not with man and humanity. Putting everything under subjection with God. Every task that I do with God. To walk wholly heart and soul with God. To commune with God every moment of every day no matter what. And to read my Bible and pray for deliverance of my family and that the true strength comes from prayer and prayer comes from a petition of the heart being made to God for my family to be restored and the chains to not be broken in my family. But to be rebuilt and restored. Wholly and Completely.  

Using force as a means of control is often a sign of weakness rather than strength. 

Even when my family gets nasty I always pray for them that their hearts will eventually be changed towards me and that one day they will look for love inside their hearts. Instead of war and hate when I talk to them. It does not bother me that they do not love me or support me at all. They do pay lip service to my parents in saying that they love me. But reading them I can tell that they do not love me or support me and when they leave the house they will not have further contact with me. I can deal with that. But can they in the future deal with the pain of having a broken family? Only time will tell!  

Whenever they say I am weak I know God is making me stronger and stronger and more durable like Michelangelo’s statue David. Stronger and more resilient and more powerful with God and comfortable in knowing that with God I am able to love and trust in the Messiah and no hate or contention from the adversary or my family will stop me from achieving God’s best and God’s Plan for me. I may not have the perfect relationship with my family. Including extended family. But I know that God is making a way for me to survive with family members who will be there to help me in a time of need when my parents pass away and give me a better future than my natal siblings would ever give me. I know that in time I will find the love and support to step away from toxic relationships in my family and be firm in my commitment to living a life free from having to reach out to my family just because they are my family. But to gain strength to realise that yes I can make it on my own without a need to call, text, or visit them. And it is painful to realize that they just do not care about me. But it is life. And I will live my best life. In spite of knowing that the love of my family has waxed cold and gone elsewhere.  

 This also suggests that confronting fears can lead to more peaceful and effective solutions.  

The fear of being abandoned emotionally by my family grieves me terribly. But I know that eventually I will reach a place of no conflict and peace with their decision and live my own life and do my own thing. Without having other family members or other church members ask me how my siblings are and expect me to know how they are doing. Instead of them calling them and asking my siblings that themselves. I am not a dumping ground of ‘Oh-so-how-are-your-siblings-doing?’ question every time people ask me when they see me. How am I supposed to know? They do not call or even reach out to me! I am getting tired of having to answer this question. I need to come up with a response that makes me feel okay not responding to the question without insulting the other person. I could say ‘Ask my parents’. Or ‘I do not know how they are doing. But perhaps reaching out would brighten their day! Have a blessed day.’ And then leave.  

Understanding this can help one develop better conflict resolution skills. 

Understanding that I do not know everything, life and learning are a knowledge process, and it takes giving, growing, listening and patience. And being able to observe and not speak. And whilst observing to speak less and less because you gain more and more information about people.  

   - Action Step: Reflect on a recent situation where force was used. 

When force was used.... I cannot exactly remember in my life. But in history I felt that force was unnecessarily used on Juana of Castile the Younger to keep her locked away by the men of her family so that they could say she was mentally ill when she tried to express herself and share her frustrations with those around her. Instead of listening to her they shut her away and took her throne and I do not believe she was mentally ill at all. I felt the mentally ill tactic was used as a tool for a method of control by her father, husband, and firstborn son for them to gain power [father and husband], keep power [father and firstborn son] and maintain power [father and firstborn son].  

Even in modern history force was used as a control tactic to subjugate people to the will of the leader. And it never ended well for those who were affected. Especially those who were locked away in penal colonies or psychiatric wards for dissenting against the leader or trying to speak out against a leader whose policies did not align with all the people’s will.  

 Consider alternative methods of handling the situation that involve communication and understanding rather than intimidation. 

Communicating effectively and responsibly without showing anger or frustration and with understanding is better than making yourself look like a fool with your mouth running with talking needlessly and without purpose. Communicate what you need to say and say it. Then be still. There is no need for overcommunicating.  

A lot of people talk because they do not like silence and do not know what to do with silence. There is a simply joy in silence and being still with it and not having the need to say anything. Sometimes words are not needed. Sometimes people cannot speak verbally, and the verbal speaker must be more careful with how they approach conversations so that the other individual can be heard and understood without walking away in frustration.  

Communicating effectively and responsibly means adapting your communication methods to those around you and knowing how to approach the conversation in a respectful and agreeable manner without complaint or rudeness.  

All my love, 
Mama