32 - Nyalu- Insecure - Friday, 28 February 2003

No. 32 
Nyalu- Insecure 
Friday, 28 February 2003 

Dear Amare-Amuri, 

10. "A man who uses force is afraid of the shadows." 

    - Explanation: This proverb implies that those who resort to violence or coercion often do so because they are insecure or fearful.  

Be peaceful. Speak with love. Live with love. Never hit. Anyone.  

It highlights the idea that true strength comes from confidence and self-control, not from imposing power on others.  

Be confident in yourself. Without being physically aggressive towards others. Physical aggression does not work. 

Using force as a means of control is often a sign of weakness rather than strength.  

When others are aggressive towards me, I see them as being scared of themselves or intimidated that I am bigger than them. It does not change my viewpoint of them. But it does make me realize that they are small minded and have no power over me. I have no fear over them. Not a single jot.  

This also suggests that confronting fears can lead to more peaceful and effective solutions.  

Confronting the fears that the person has who is being physically aggressive towards me helps me understand why they feel the need to shout at me or get in my face. But I do not get defensive. I am calm. I am collected. I maintain my dignity. I let them get their anger out by walking away. This gets them even more upset. I do not pay that any mind. I keep walking. I come back later when they have calmed down and speak to them in a quiet tone without any malice or anger. And they apologize for their attitude or reaction.  

Understanding this can help one develop better conflict resolution skills. 

And then there is no conflict between us. And we can live in peace.  

    - Action Step: Reflect on a recent situation where force was used. Consider alternative methods of handling the situation that involve communication and understanding rather than intimidation. 

I rarely get physically aggressive with anyone. But I might break a cup or two in frustration. I remain calm when others are stressed or upset. I never show anger or frustration. It is not needed. Being a calming influence to the other person is enough to diffuse the situation.  

All my love, 
Mama